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I'm surrounded by people and am at my loneliest when they are close.... beautiful solitude return to me, swallow me whole and save me from feeling

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This is exactly how i feel after i cut someone out of my life. And I've thought this same thing which has stopped me from being upset. What i tell myself is that the person you thought they were never actually existed, you were just loving the person you thought they were, whom doesn't exist, so there's no use in crying over something or someone that doesn't exist.