you're so hard on yourself. take a moment. sit back. marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that wisened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. despite everything, you still grow. be proud of this.
"As a mother would risk her life to protect her child, her only child, even so should one cultivate a limitless heart with regard to all beings. So with a boundless heart should one cherish all living beings; radiating kindness over the entire world." The Buddha, Sutta Nipata I, 8