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Please someone give me a sign or point me to the path I'm supposed to take! Never been so completely torn or confused in my whole life

In fact, when certain negative tendencies remain hidden from our conscious awareness, they will tend to drive our emotions and behaviors in unpredictable ways. This is when you might find yourself losing your temper over something minor, or going into despair over a small mistake, or disliking someone who exhibits the trait you don’t want to see in yourself.-Sally Kempton

A death or loss of someone you feel was the perfect one for you, still feels the same knowing you lost them and cannot talk to them!

I thought the exact same reference!!