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This is what happens when you babysit your niece all day

"Boy: "you look so beautiful without your makeup!" Me : "awww that's so cute....that you think I'm not wearing makeup!""

When the hot girl at the bar you've been staring at all night makes eye contact: "...I hope I looked cool"

Only 23 and I'm already feeling like an old lady who shakes her fist at hooligans, while trying to not break a hip.

"One time in school this kid started choking on a roll and instead of helping I said "how breadful" and that pretty much sums up how useful I am in emergencies "

"I hate when Netflix asks if I'm still watching. You really think I got my life together in the last 2 hours?"