Wise man, Carl Jung. Some people will always irritate us, and trying to change THAT is a fools errand. But if we can perceive WHAT it is about them that irritates us, and HOW they can push and even manipulate our buttons, we can approach them with sympathy, or at worse pity, but not frustration or anger.
It's not a sign of gentleness to keep your mouth closed about important things. And it's not a sign of gentleness or strength to demand that. Especially when what you say is double bind - and differs a lot regarding relevant questions.