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HA. story of my life.

Funny Flirting Ecard: As a matter of fact, I would love a mustache ride.

Breakup Quotes! 32 Positive, Funny, Beautifully Bitter-Free Moving On Thoughts from Pinterest | The Passionista Playbook | A Passionate Living Lifestyle Blog: Love, Relationships, Inspiration, Advice, Videos, Coaching | A Self Help & Improvement Blog About How to Live Your Best Life

Cleaning House while the kids are home, is like shoveling snow, while it's still snowing. My house will be clean for when my kids go on vacations.

Funny Confession Ecard: I can't cook & hate to clean, but I'm certain my expertise in sarcasm & raiding the Target clearance section makes me a rare gem. This is me.


Free and Funny Flirting Ecard: No seriously. Don't mistake my perky phone voice for actually liking you. I get paid to be nice to jerk wads like you.

Ill name the shop "comfort food"

I'm going to open an ice cream shop and name the flavors things like: dont be sad, he's not worth it, you deserve better. That would be awesome!

I'm drinking heavily because screaming at you about how dumb you are and taking a brick and smacking you across the face with it, is considered rude...

I don't drink, but I occasionally make threats to punch people in the face with bricks.

Confession  This is me every day in my retirement years. But I've" paid my dues" so I can do whatever I want! At least that's how I see it.  qb

Funny Confession Ecard: I'm well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today. So my Saturdays!

And all the people said, Amen!

Funny Christmas Season Ecard: It just isn't Christmas unless you push your body to the brink of alcholism and diabetes.

Oh but that doesn't stop some people from trying. Know a few of these!!!!

Funny Breakup Ecard: Just remember son, there isn't enough make-up in the world to cover up crazy. Not even COVER GIRL


No, I'm not a smart ass.I am a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obvious & I speak fluent sarcasm. But really though, I'm a smart ass

This is definitely accurate

To help ease the baby fever: Every time I see a cute kid, I remind myself how awesome it is to sleep through the night.