I have felt this same way so many times. The relief of getting back to your domain (your seat) and knowing you don't have to do that for a while is amazing. Then you feel it...that inconveniently timed urge to pee...and it all starts again.
Then some of the people you care about and think are your friends DO end up criticizing you and reject you. It takes ANY strides you've managed to make to get better and sets you back because your fear (something that is SUPPOSED to be all in your head) was made a reality.
Some things make you straight up want to drop out of college: