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Someone compliments you - dog - http://jokideo.com/someone-compliments-you-dog/

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"Single bells, single bells, single all the way, Oh what fun it is to ride nothing, because I'm single and no one wants to love me. "

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People always say "there's plenty of fish in the sea"... Yeah but I got my eye fixed on that one specific, emotially distant salmon who has commitment issues.

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Brain: I see you are trying to sleep. May I offer a selection of your worst memories from the last 10 years?

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Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

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This is so me to the fullest extent

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