im petrified if truth be known. i cant help it, something in me is broken and im so scared.im scared of everything,everyone, what if they turn out to be just like him, what if they say they love me, and then abandon me, use all my fears and insecurities against me and wittle me down till theres nothing left. im only just clinging on, i cant tell you this, i cant even say it out loud. if i do , im admitting defeat and hes won..... even tho he already has... he wanted to destroy me....he did.
It is so much easier to stay where we are comfortable even if that place is one of tremendous pain, of sadness. It isn't so much that such a place is addicting, it's just that we know it so well. This and fear kept me in my place of sadness, actually, my place of misery for a long time. Maybe I sound like a broken record, sometimes, but, when I took a risk, just a tiny, tiny one to step out of my hell, it was the beginning of the end of my abusers death-lock grip. Take that tiny risk.
Women are Scared of What they Seek. "I’ve always been a firm believer that whatever you want to find in a partner you need to exemplify those yourself. So in saying that, I invite you to explore who you’re being. How are you showing up to your relationships? The greatest relationships take two whole people. Two people who don’t need each other. Better yet. They want each other. Their love is born of choice, not of necessity." via Mark Groves
Relax I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I won't stop because I look in your eyes I'll just know that it was true all these years. We have to stop being scared of this and just trust the love. It's a big moment but once it happens we can start all of this.