Narcissistic mothers teach their daughters that love is not unconditional, that it is given only when they behave in accordance with maternal expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters have difficulty overcoming feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, emotional emptiness, and sadness.
He always has used money to control, like his ex wife said "money rules him!". But it's not ruling him it's how he views it, how he uses it as yet another way to control be it via enticement of promised gifts & lifestyle, or to punish by withdrawing to put u at financial risk. He also spends lavishly on himself whilst u & the kids struggle.